No pain, no Jane

Gym fail

2012-01-29T12:53:00.001Z

Failed spectacularly at going to the gym this week. I have been out walking a few times, but not made it to the gym. I've been drunk two nights in a row, and I've eaten out twice. I think food wise, I've actually been ok though - it's the alcohol points that may have ruined me...

We'll see come Tuesday though!

Saw this on FB

2012-01-26T21:23:00.000Z

Must tell myself this over and over again.

I bathed

2012-01-26T20:53:00.002Z

Bubbles were had.

Food today:

Milky way type chocolate - 4

Banana - 0

Mini ice bun - 4
Cottage pie - 11
Pate and toast - 12
2x toast and 2 poached eggs - 10
Horlicks - 3

Total: 33/33 and 11/49 (so 18/49 weeklies in total)

Pub tomorrow. I suspect weekly points may go over thanks to alcohol this weekend.

Tracking food

2012-01-26T12:14:00.002Z

It is time consuming tracking food, working out points, checking how many of everything I've had - especially when you eat out.

So yesterday my day looked like this:

2xhash browns - 6

Cottage pie - 11

Garlic Bread - 12

Scotch Egg - 7

Juice - 4

33/33 and 7/49 weeklies

So far today (and it's not exactly nutritious):

Milky way type chocolate - 4

Banana - 0

Mini ice bun - 4

I'm heading out for lunch in the pub again, then going walking with L for a loooong time. Will save gym for the weekend and do the walking as exercise for today as I fancy some company. Managed to get hours off work this afternoon. That leaves....loads of points for dinner, since I have all my weeklies left. We'll see though, I think I might try to have some quorn and veg with some dry-roasted potato or something - Will maybe end up being 8-10 points? Will see. Either way, plenty to spend on lunch, especially if I then go walkies.

Mood is flying around like a thing that flies up and down a lot. Hard to know what will be, but coping anyway.

Weigh in Tuesday and the worst day in forever

2012-01-24T17:34:00.002Z

A student made me cry. But enough about that part of my day....

I lost 3lb! That's 3lb AGAIN! I was expecting maybe 1lb loss - so surprised! I'm now 15st 11lb, and have lost 10.5lb in total. I got a little star on my weigh in card for being in a new weight category! :)

And no - it doesn't show that I've lost anything, in the way I look or in the way my clothes fit - it only shows on the scales. So today, I like the scales.

I feel a little bit like shit after my horrible day at work, and have the Headache From Hell...so I shall celebrate a belated Chinese New Year with my Mum tonight rather than going to Netball. My eyes still hurt from crying :s

Fingers crossed that this week stays on track. I would like to lose 1.5lb for my 5% weight loss...we'll see though. Two big losses is unusual 2 weeks in a row!

Day before weigh-in

2012-01-23T23:28:00.000Z

Smoothie – 3
Pasta – 5
Chilli con carne – 4
2 pinks and whites – 2
Pasta – 5
Prawns – 4
Chilli soft cheese – 4
Veg – 0
Crisps – 14
Coke - 4

33/33

12 weeklies - so 49/49

Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

I indulged

2012-01-23T17:49:00.004Z

4 pieces of toast with margerine and marmalade - I knew there was a reason that I don't normally let myself eat toast and marmalade, I love it WAY TOO MUCH!

Anyway, that amounts to another.... 20 points or so I reckon! Which takes my weeklies total too....
37/49 weeklies!

Can't really make up the rest of them tonight, it is the day before weigh in - but we'll see. I'm starving, not had much in the way of points so far today, off to Rainbow Guides now and will work out dinner later!

Sooo sleepy

2012-01-22T21:51:00.002Z

Food today:

2 quorn sausages – 4
2 large eggs – 6
Beans – 4
Soup – 2
Focaccia – 8
Crisps – 7
Horlicks - 3
33/33 +1 weekly

17/49 weeklies (so far)

I'm so tired, but also peckish - may eat toast or cereal before bed as I've not got round to dinner yet. Will see what wins, hunger or bed.

Night all!

Best day I've had in ages

2012-01-21T22:41:00.003Z

L came round and helped me start clearing out clothes - have three bags full to give to charity now (and still a scary amount left over). We went out and took her friend's dog for a walk - 2 hours or so in total, so a good few miles.

I made myself a smoothie for breakfast, made red pepper and tomato soup with focaccia for lunch, and veggie chilli with rice for dinner. Had some biscuits with my tea - all in all, good day - and food tastes SO much better when you've made it yourself! If I could, I'd make bread all the time, so much nicer than the bought stuff!

Watched Beastly and Tangled this evening, lots of fun...ready for bed. Need to gear myself up for the gym tomorrow (I WILL GO, I WILL GO)!

So, propoints today:

Fruit smoothie - 6
Soup – 2
Focaccia - 8
Chilli con carne – 4
Rice – 7
2 digestive biscuits - 4
2 rich tea biscuits - 2
33/33

Then I had a couple of mugs of tea, I reckon that's 4 propoints of milk or something - which is then 16/49 weeklies. Still loads to have, oops. Might eat more crisps tomorrow as a treat after the gym or something! Still working out what to eat, hmmm.

Anyway - gonna leave today on a high and ignore the issue that I may crash and burn tomorrow. At the moment - highhhhh! :)

MOOD SWINGS

2012-01-20T20:44:00.002Z

Rollercoaster of emotions today people...rollercoaster. I laughed, swooned, and wanted to cry. FML.

Food choices:

Bread roll and cheese – 7
Mugshot – 7
Apple - 0
Pasta – 5
Prawns – 4
Veg – 0
Soft cheese with chilli – 4
Grapes – 0
Crisps - 14

33/33 and 8/49 (+4 from yesterday) = 12/49

Decluttering begins tomorrow. I hope it makes things better.

Snacks while feeling grumpy

2012-01-19T21:00:00.002Z

"Light' chocolate ovaltine and WW Rich toffee bar. I really wish there was actually baileys in there, but sadly there isn't. Chocolatey treats = 4 propoints. 4/49 weeklies.

Now to mope with them while watching The Good Wife and The Big C.

Food was yum

2012-01-19T19:53:00.002Z

Will let it settle. Then may have some form of snacky thing for dessert. Yay for 49 weekly points.

Self-loathing

2012-01-19T19:24:00.004Z

I hate mirrors or reflective windows in gyms. WTF. I don't need to see myself thanks. By the weights - fine, you might need to check you are doing it right, or you also tend to get the posers there. But everywhere??? I have no desire to look at myself most days, let alone when I'm working out.

So, did my second session. Thighs feel tired. Going upstairs is hard. Not gyming it tomorrow. Should go at the weekend though.

In a really bad mood from the gym. On one hand, the self-loathing made me push myself harder. On the other hand - I really, really hated myself tonight. And I didn't need that.

Making dinner. Food for today goes like this:

Bagel, peanut butter, banana – 8
Mugshot – 6
Grapes – 0
2x homemade beef and pancetta burger – 12
125g frozen Chips – 7
Mixed veg - 0

So, 33/33. I still have 49 weeklies to use. I suspect I will use some of those tonight as I may still be hungry afterwards. Will keep count.

I went to the gym today

2012-01-18T21:50:00.004Z

Shattered!

Was meant to be out listening to live music - made it through the first one, then had to leave - can barely keep my eyes open.

Night all!

EDIT: WW tells me I'm now on 33 propoints. It doesn't seem like much, but I bet I miss that little extra propoint a day!

I WILL GO TO THE GYM TODAY

2012-01-18T15:06:00.002Z

This is the 30 minute work-out my colleague has given me to do. I am going to attempt it tonight. I have fear. I also hope I can remember what most of this means.

Food so far today:

Breakfast - small bread roll, margarine, sliced fake cheese - 7

Lunch - Leek and potato soup and 2 mini bread rolls, mini sushi snack pot -13

For dinner I'm going to my friend's house and she's making us veggie stir fry with rice - I guess maybe 6 for the rice, 0 for veg, 4 maybe for the sauce - which will be: 30 propoints. Leaving me with 4 points. Assuming I'm still on 34 (WW website is being pathetic on my work computer).

And will burn cals at the gym. I WILL! I will. Will make myself go. For the first time in months.

Fingers crossed. Reading other people's blogs makes me jealous. I want to achieve what they have achieved. MUST GO!

Weigh-in

2012-01-17T20:21:00.002Z

Lost 3lb...finally losing again. No idea why this week worked so much more than last week, apart from the fact I ate out for lunch last week. Maybe being a raving headcase is good for burning calories?

Making home-made burgers for dinner. Yum times. Pretty sure they'll taste better than any bought burger. Mmmm.

Tired today. Gym tomorrow after work. I MUST!

Weekend frolics

2012-01-16T19:40:00.002Z

If I can distract myself CONSTANTLY I don't feel quite as low as I do every minute that I'm not distracted.

Therefore this weekend I imposed myself upon some friends and in general felt ok - I got too drunk on Saturday (had soup for lunch, doesn't really line the stomach, plus I have a surprisingly low alcohol tolerance for a lady of my size) and giggled a lot at the pub, which was nice, then relaxed with a friend and crashed at their house.

Sunday involved almost non-stop UCAS stuff - urgh. But it got done. When I went home, I felt soooo low. I perked up to watch Sherlock, which is AWESOME. Mum cooked some chicken and soy sauce for dinner which was nice.

Weigh-in tomorrow - going to the 7.30pm class as I'm busy beforehand. Will be STARVING by the end of it. Hope I've lost SOMETHING this week, as on the whole I've been good, and I've done a few walks.

Need to get myself to the gym though.

I wish feeling down burned calories. I'd be skinny by now.

Oh - and hair cut needed? Can't be bothered to get the fringe trimmed again...could just grow it out...

Friday night - treated to dinner

2012-01-14T11:05:00.002Z

Food for Friday:

Fruit – 0
Fish and chips – 18
Pork and gravy – 8
Potato – 6
Coke – 8
Bread – 6
Butter – 6
Peanut Butter – 6
Total – 34/34 and 24/49 weeklies

High pointed day yesterday. Needed it.

Was invited out for dinner and treated to it all - lovely, and I felt very spoiled.

I'm pretty down right now. I'm trying very hard to not eat my way out of feeling down. The weekly points help. I hope I see some weight go down this week. I plan to go to the gym tomorrow - have the gym routine all ready, have my new gym card. Will give it a go and hope for the best. Exercise is meant to help moods, right?

Thursday night with a friend

2012-01-13T11:02:00.001Z

Went round to a friend's house - took soup with me. How good am I? ;-) We shared a bottle of wine. Was fun.

Lemon mousse – 2

Mugshot – 6

Heinz tomato soup – 6

Bread roll – 6

Prawns – 4

Wine - 10

34/34

I suspect most of my weeklies may be used today - I'll be drinking tonight, and eating with a friend.

Week 2 on track

2012-01-11T21:16:00.002Z

Today I've eaten:
Lemon mousse - 2
Beef and potato casserole - 10
Chickpea burgers, salsa and cous cous - 9

Total - 21/34

I have 13 points left so I'll find something to snack on - possibly some toast, as still a little hungry!

Also walked for an hour and a half at a brisk pace with my friend. I think even mild exercise is good for mental health. The problem is when you stop.

Full disclosure

2012-01-10T19:02:00.002Z

I ate chinese food last night. It was without a doubt one of the shittest days - personal issues, and boiler issues means we have no heating or gas etc. Mum wanted takeaway - I concurred!

Today - I ate calamari. And half a portion of carbonara. Yes, I'm a crap dieter - I'd been so good until last night!

Anyway, lost 1lb! I know it was more than that on Sunday - never mind. It's gone down, and I'll lose more next week (fingers crossed)!

It's weigh-in day

2012-01-10T16:46:00.003Z

However, despite this, I went out for lunch. Yep, you heard me right. I didn't eat very much, but it was pointy (as in high in points, not sharp).

Oh well - it was worth it, working at a different site today with my old friend H and we indulged!

Will let you know if I lost anything when I get back...

Can't be bothered to post my food

2012-01-08T22:39:00.001Z

BAD mood.

But I'm outta weekly points now, so 34 per day tomorrow and no more!

Walking for exercise

2012-01-08T13:36:00.002Z

I always think walking is a bit of a non-exercise, cos I do it a lot. Obviously it doesn't really compare with running or circuits or intervals, but when you are my size, you start slowly. I went out for a walk with my friend L and we were walking for around 2hr 20mins I think (we stopped for a drink with a friend half way round). If we go on the really rough average of 100 cals burned per mile, and say that we were walking around 3mph, then I could say I burned about 700 cals in that time. Which doesn't mean much as I'm not gonna do anything about it, but it's nice to think that I did that before lunch. As I'm pretty large and unfit, I may have even burned more than that - who knows!

I sorted out my gym membership card because I'd lost it, woo, so have a temporary one and will get my new one hopefully in a week's time.

I have netball training on Tuesday after my weigh in, and then I might go walking again or something on Weds with L if she is around...Thurs I am meant to be visiting a friend if she is still up for it, and I'm in Guildford at the weekend again, so will not have an opportunity to us the gym properly until probably Sunday night...if I can be bothered after getting back from Guildford. Which let's face it - may be unlikely. We'll see though - I'll possibly be able to do something on Friday night if I don't go to the pub, and I am poor so the pub might be out of the question.

Food details...

2012-01-07T23:52:00.003Z

Today I missed breakfast (bad) and ate out with a friend which was YUMMY! Then I made a pretty tasty beef and potato....hotpot...thing. Mmmm, good!

Ciabatta with chicken and sweet chilli sauce – 18
Mozarella - 3
Beef – 6
Veg – 0
Potato – 2
Parsnip – 2
Cupcake – 12
TOTAL = 43
Which is 34/34 + 9/49 (plus the 32 from before) = 41/49

On a separate note, my onesie is the most comfortable thing I have EVER worn ever. Ever. I love it. It's like wearing a hug. And I like hugs.

Getting focused

2012-01-07T17:34:00.003Z

This here is a collection of health-related magazines I have yet to read - some purchased today, some purchased last month...I need to read them. Reading things like this helps me focus. My head has been very screwy recently - if people new the inner workings, there would be issues - and I haven't been able to focus on novels like I used to - so I'm gonna read these instead. They'll help me focus on this instead of other things. They will.

7 weigh-ins until my friend's wedding. An ex will be there. I was a size 12 when I dated him. Maybe size 14-16 the last time I ... was with him. But either way - several stone smaller than now. Obviously 7 weigh-ins is not gonna get me down to the same size as I was back then. But I could be smaller. I WILL BE SMALLER. I must be smaller. Sigh.

I hate myself sometimes.

Friday night...

2012-01-07T00:40:00.003Z

Had a hungry day today. Tis one of the good things about the propoints system - because you get the extra 49 points a week, there seems to be a chance to eat more on the days when you need to. I don't quite understand how it works...but I've lost weight on it before, so something seems to make sense.

Food today:

Bagel – 6
Peanut butter – 6
Banana – 0
Apple – 0
Pasta – 5
Veg – 0
Bagel and Marg – 8
Hash browns – 6
2x toast – 4
Brie and chutney – 7
Scampi - 10
TOTAL = 52
Which is: 34/34 + 18/49 (plus the 14 from before) = 32/49 weeklies

Had a fun night with J. Lots of conversation and we watched The Good Wife. Thrown up lots of questions about things. Hmmm.

Cooking again and despondent mood

2012-01-05T18:50:00.004Z

Back on the diet means...I'm back to cooking nice, healthy food with lots of veg. Tonight - baked chicken leg, ratatouille and roasted potatoes. All for 13 points. Yummy!

It was very nice - I'm now satisfied, but not full. This is apparently how you should always feel after eating....

Weird mood tonight - my new onesie temporarily cheered me up:

But not anymore :( Very despondent. Not good. Feels horrible. Booo.

Food for today:

Banana - 0
50g porridge with maple syrup and milk – 8
Bagel with ham and margerine – 9
Chicken leg – 7
Potato – 6
Chocolate covered pretzels - 9
TOTAL = 39
Which is: 34/34 + 5/49 (plus the 9 from yesterday) = 14/49 weeklies

Sigh. Now to mope on the sofa.

Inspiration for 2012

2012-01-05T10:17:00.004Z

Now, I always talk about inspiration etc etc - and often I am talking about celebrities, or people I don't know but have found the blogs of. TODAY I am going to talk about inspiration of the best kind - someone I actually know, like and respect. Her name is Louise and she is a friend of mine from London. She's amazing. Actually amazing. Every time I see her blog and her progress I am immensely impressed. So view her blog here. And then click back to the beginning to see where she started. Be amazed and in awe like me about where she is now.

She is my inspiration for 2012. I am so proud of her and I admire her willpower and commitment. The improvements she has made in her running have also been outstanding, and she has taken on CRAZY challenges at her gym and seen them through. But seriously, read her blog yourself, from the beginning, and see what she has done and what she has achieved.

I sat down with a calculator after reading her blog today to work out what I needed to lose. To be 9 stone I need to lose 102lb. That is more than this lady weighed in this photo I think:

Scary? Yes. Achievable? I hope so. I mean, I'd like to be under 9 stone but I've not been there since I was about 10, so who knows whether it's possible?

Some things most definitely ARE possible though - I can see that by what Louise has achieved.

Fiirst day dieting in 2012

2012-01-05T07:28:00.004Z

To recap for people - I get 34 points (age and weight gives me this) and 49 extras a week.

So, my food was:

80g shreddies with milk – 15
Pasta and chilli con carne – 14
2x toast and cheese – 6
2x toast and nutella – 8
Apple - 0
TOTAL = 43
Which is: 34/34 + 9/49

And I was too full. I was feeling rough yesterday and the nutella on toast was completely not needed, it was a comfort thing. I have now learned from that. But luckily, on propoints, I have loads of points left anyway so it's fine.

Fingers crossed for the rest of the week....

2012 weigh in

2012-01-03T18:37:00.002Z

So, I didn't track or go to weight watchers for a month. Bad Jane. Just wasn't feeling it over the Christmas break! Went to WW tonight and have gained 3lb. I can TOTALLY live with that, I've gained that in a week before and this was over Christmas!

So - following on the new year's resolution - I will now proceed to lose weight. Lots of weight. I will I will I will.

It's a sad fact that for me to even have a chance at being happy I need to slim down - some people can be happy even with excess weight - maybe not 100% happy, but mostly happy. Not me though...booo.

Anyway - I can't even remember how many points I'm meant to be on or anything - part of me is even considering doing the old version of weight watchers...but no. I'll stick to propoints. I'll (at some point) learn what the 'new' rules in propoints are. I'll check on WW online how many points I'm actually meant to be on.

In the mean time - does anyone have any nice soup recipes that are fairly healthy (i.e. No cream please)!

So, new starting weight for 2012 - 16st 4lb. Yeesh. But it's ok. It is. I will lose the weight. I will.

First goal of 2012 - My friend's wedding on 25th Feb. 7 weigh-in weeks away. I could be a stone lighter by then. Ideally - I'd want to be under 15 stone by then. Wish me luck!

2012

2011-12-31T14:07:00.002Z

New Years Resolutions - part of me says DON'T DO IT! As soon as it's a resolution, it's meat to be broken...

But on the other hand...

1 - Start going to the gym (that I am currently paying for) at least 3 times a week
2 - Lose several stone - ideally everything I have to lose, but a minumum of 5 stone

There are probably other things, but these are the most relevant to this blog!

Happy New Year people - this year has been pretty crap, as have several of the previous years...I can but hope it starts getting better soon...

3lb down

2011-12-06T20:54:00.004Z

Don't know how (had massive roast at Uni reunion on Saturday) but I lost 3lb today! :) I treated myself to new Christmas PJs. As you do...

Food

2011-12-01T21:12:00.002Z

Yesterday:

Banana for breakfast, MacDonalds for lunch (bad bad bad - too easily influenced) and there go my weekly extra points, and low fat korma (very low) with rice for dinner.

Today:

Banana and grapes for breakfast, Thai mug shot for lunch, Mini sausage and egg sandwich for dinner.

Tired....so very very tired.

Christmas tree is up though. Yay!

Weigh in

2011-11-29T20:58:00.003Z

Right, no I didn't weigh in last Thursday. I got the time wrong at the one nearby me (I think it must have changed when they changed the leader) so I missed it. I did however brave it tonight, even though I had just eaten a panini, and 2 cadbury cake rolls (yep, 2, little miss piggy). So it wasn't a total surprise considering my lack of tracking for the last 2-3 weeks that I gained 5lb.

WW has also CHANGED since I last went - it changes all the bloody time. I've heard good things about this one though, so am going to stay for the meeting next week and learn about it from the leader.

Back on it now. I'll be posting my menu tomorrow. Can I lose 7lb by Christmas? I think so...

Sorry all

2011-11-22T17:50:00.002Z

No weigh in - will go on Thursday. The reasons are far and wide, but basically I've been ill all week, I've had a shit two days, spent half my afternoon hiding in my office in tears and am too emotionally drained and headachy to face going to a meeting tonight. I'm pretty sure my leader does the Thursday session so I'll go to that instead and get my current weight.

Apologies for letting you down - some of you know why I've been feeling down, sorry for letting it getting to me this much. I'll sort it out by Thursday.

Update!!

2011-11-15T06:46:00.002Z

Sorry for the lack of updates - life is unusually busy for me owing to various committments and a lot to do at work!

I can't attend a weigh in this week, which is a bit of a bugger - I'm literally away/out every night for all of the night and visiting a friend at the weekend before having to dash back. I will weigh in again next Tuesday. Doh!

So last night I had rainbow guides as usual, then meeting a friend for a much-needed catch up despite being exhausted (it was fun) - tonight I have a rainbow guide meeting I need to attend as part of my leadership qualification and am getting picked up earlier by someone else as I can't get there on my own. Weds I have a doctor's appointment and 2 hours of netball (yeah, you heard - wooo for exerccise), Thursday I have the netball match, Friday I have a half day and am going to Guildford to watch the new twilight movie - should return earlyish Saturday for another friend's bday - Sunday I hope to go and see Arthur Christmas and SLEEEEEEEP! :s

I had about 4 hours sleep last night, and still hadn't recovered from the weekend. Now off to work I go...

Bloody losing weight and getting older

2011-11-09T19:46:00.001Z

Just entered my new weight into the tracker on the weight watchers website and discovered I'm now on 33 points instead of 35! DOH! Hadn't planned for that today, so now using more of my spare weekly points than I thought. Oh well...must try to be good the rest of the week.

Lost 2.5lb

2011-11-08T21:44:00.002Z

So that's 8.5lb down in 3 weeks (2lb gain last week for bday) - am content with that. Need more to come off next week.

Went to netball - hurt my thumb in the warm up :( Caught a hard pass badly, bounced off the tip of the thumb - omg the pain. Now can't move thumb really or use my left hand in general for picking up things/clenching/pinching etc. Suspect it's sprained. Played 3 quarters and it feels worse now I've stopped. Oh well.

Typing is proving hard...So is texting!

Anyway - dinner time!

It's a down day today...

2011-11-05T14:26:00.002Z

So was in a fantastic mood yesterday, and appear to hve crashed down today. Basically am not miserable, but feel low and out of sorts, and like I would really like to sit and wallow and ponder the world's complexities. As it is, I'm en route to Guildford to help my friend celebrate her birthday and I'll be dressed (badly) as little red riding hood - I was feeling too fat for a proper costume, so have the red riding hood cape that my ex's mum made me 7 years ago!

I've decided that I need to be slim by 29. If I'm not, there will be no point in anything anymore. I don't really live my life now, I just go through motions and act like I'm confident and so on. Can only do that for so long...

Post-birthday weigh-in

2011-11-02T07:23:00.001Z

Gained 2lb, which I think is pretty damn good - I didn't track at all - good intentions flew out of the window! So actually think that is a pretty good result!

On track again today! :)

Bday week

2011-10-27T11:39:00.002+01:00

It's always hard to stay on track around your bday, and I'll throw it out there now that I've done Tuesday and Wednesday OFF the diet. Nothing crazy (unless you count the alcohol points) but still, not pointing. So today I'm back on track...

Breakfast was home made bread (by a colleague) with poached eggs for 10 propoints.
Lunch will be some form of salad (no salad dressing) when I meet up with a friend for lunch.
Dinner will be of the chicken variety with some vegetables (looking at recipes now).
Snacks will consist of fruit which are 0 points for a couple of portions a day.

I went to netball training last night and feel achy now - I slept on my neck funny the other day anyway, and that still hurts, but my calf/knee are still a bit battered from falling over last week and I'm just a little sore today in general.

I have stupid amounts of work to do for my tutoring diploma - sigh. That will be how I spend my evening I think :(

First weigh-in on propoints

2011-10-24T19:45:00.003+01:00

Right, so before I tell you my weight, I must make some things clear. First, last week when I weighed in I had just had dinner - that HAD to have added a couple of pounds. Second, I am meant to weigh in on Tuesday, not Monday, but I can't do tomorrow so went tonight instead. Lastly, as it was a different meeting the scales are not the same - and although they are meant to be callibrated - who knows if they are accurate.

Now that that's out of the way - I lost 8lb. So am now 15st 13.5lb. Eeeep! That's pretty cool - obviously it may not be 100% accurate, but it looks like a big loss on the card. I would hope for 1-2lb next week, as it's my bday tomorrow and eating at a friend's house on Weds night, so there will be bad food.

Tonight I'm treating myself to a bolognaise pasta bake, cooked by yours truly.

I'm actually feeling pretty down - not from the weigh-in, just in general. Maybe it's the whole ageing thing - who knows. Will try not to eat to compensate for the sadness.

Unobtainablity

2011-10-22T17:42:00.006+01:00

I'm not quite sure when it was that I started wanting things that I could never have - I think it was somewhere into my adult years. I wish I could turn it off.

While I've been slobbing around on the sofa today, watching The Biggest Loser and trying to imagine what I'd be doing with my Saturday if I actually had a boyfriend rather than being alone, I've been thinking about the diet - thinking about what to eat, what to drink, when my leg will feel better so I can do some more exercise etc. And I started thinking about the end goal - what do I want to look like at the end of all of this. In a year's time? If I'm lucky... And I realised, as well as going for unobtainable men, I want to look like people that I will never look remotely like.

Britt Robertson:

Emilie De Ravin:

Christina Ricci:
I would never be tall (I'd love to be taller than I am) but I can be thinner than I am now - but I want to be THIS small. All three of these women are teeny. Tiny. Cute and little. That's the physique I want to have. I think it's what I've always wanted to have. Maybe because I never have been petite? I dunno. But if I've gotta be a midget, it'd be nice to at least be skinny and cute too.

I know that I probably won't get lower than 9 and a half stone realistically (from previous experience) and not for ages and not without some really hard work on my part - and at the moment, god, I'd LOVE to be 9 and a half stone - but will I honestly be able to say that I'm happy at that size/weight/physique? As with everything else, I'll probably have to settle for it - if I even get there again.

I also want long hair again. If it was wavy, that'd be even better.

Unobtainability - that's the thought for the day...

Friday

2011-10-22T11:06:00.002+01:00

It was the last day of term, and lots of people aren't in next week - so one of my friends at work put on a lovely birthday surprise that was ridiculously sweet but made me blush sooo much as I'm not one for being centre of attention! ;-) She got me out of the office, then set up a bday cake and they printed out a piccie of me and stuck it on the office door, and wrote happy birthday on the white board and when I came back they played a happy birthday song for me on youtube :)

As a result - I had cake for breakfast!

I was also eating out twice that day - and had 3 ciders. I roughly calculated my points and worked out I had about 77, so my usual 35 for the day, and 44 of the weeklies - that leaves me with 3 weekly points until Tuesday, which isn't too bad.

I fell over in netball on Thursday night - as a result, my calf is pretty busted up and actually very sore. It's pretty bruised (if you are friends with me on fb, you may have seen a photo - it looks worse today, but I think that means it's healing). I may try and take another picture later...

Trying to work out what to eat today...gotta be strict!

Food!!!!

2011-10-20T22:59:00.002+01:00

Right, yesterday I ate:

30g porridge - 6
250ml skimmed milk - 2
100g quorn - 2
Veg - 0
Kidney beans - 2
40g rice - 4
200g new potatoes - 4
Salmon fillet - 8
Margerine - 4
Peas - 2
Applesx2 - 0
Banana - 0
Snacky oaty bar - 5
TOTAL = 35/35
Weekly extra points = 4/49

TODAY I ate:

Apple - 0
Banana - 0
WW cheese sandwich with margerine - 8
King prawns in chilli butter - 3
1 plain cupcake, small - no real idea, gonna err on the side of caution and go for 15
Half a home made cookie - 8?
1 ww hot chocolate - 1
TOTAL = 35/35 (booooo - had no time for dinner)
Weekly extra points = 0/45

Tomorrow my extra points will be wiped out - gotta eat out for lunch AND dinner with work - then will probably have more than one beverage...

Gonna go to bed as starting to get hungry and it's after 11pm.

Oh - fell over in netball and landed/skidded on my knee and the side of my calf. It's achy...

Joined WW tonight - new ProPoints plan!

2011-10-18T22:11:00.005+01:00

Right, so despite having 3 plates of chinese tonight at the All You Can Eat (yes, three...) I stuck to it and went to weight watchers to join. I did TELL them I'd done this before weighing in, mainly because if I do happen to get lucky and lose a lot next week, I didn't want act like I'd been normal this week! I've pretty much eaten non-stop since Friday.

So on their scales I weigh....16st 7.5lb. That would have upset me in the past - don't care now! Gonna lose it, wooo! (And for any of you judgemental folk thinking 'I can't believe you're that fat' - I dragged my arse over a 10K trail run on Sunday so thereeeee!)

Still not fully got my head around ProPoints - but I can access the points online, and in the booklet if I need to.

Think I've sorted out what I'll do tomorrow for food - will post tomorrow!

In the meantime, here are my WW purchases from tonight:

Time for me to work out what to cook myself for the next few days!

Oops

2011-10-18T12:13:00.003+01:00

Can't do zumba tonight, as going out for ALL YOU CAN EAT CHINESE with colleagues. Yes people, that's right. So I'll be eating my weight in chinese food and then JOINING WEIGHT WATCHERS. Ahem. At least I know when it shows a ridiculously high weight, it's in part due to what I ate beforehand :s

I need to try and print out my joining voucher on the sly, away from prying eyes of the office...

Achy muscles

2011-10-17T07:50:00.001+01:00

Butt, thighs and stomach. It's been so long since the exercise I've done has actually hurt the following day. It's quite nice really.

10K trail run

2011-10-16T16:46:00.004+01:00

OMG people. Don't do trail runs when you haven't prepared properly!

I woke up feeling tired but vaguely positive. I woke M up and we had some brekky and got ready to leave:

I'd already been thinking that I'd probably want to walk most of it - I'm not stupid, I hadn't trained very much and I wanted to survive it. I had decided on a walk/jog/walk routine that would hopefully get me through pretty slowly, but I'd finish. Things were going reasonably well and I was making a decent time (at the back of the crowd mind - I started behind everyone cos I knew I'd be the slowest and there were some bits where you had to go single file) and people were still around me. Then at the half way mark, it was the bloody hill. Bison Hill - so, so steep.

I've done the Hastings Half Marathon, and I thought this hill was evil in comparison. I just thought 'fuck it, just get up as fast as you can' - and then about ten/fifteen metres from the top, I sorta started having an asthma attack. Oops. I stopped and swayed - it was seriously steep and I thought I was gonna fall backwards down it. Not sure if any of you have asthma, I rarely suffer with it, but today it was freaking scary. Couldn't get oxygen, felt dizzy, had black spots in my eyes - and I started to panic. I kept trying to move further up - I just wanted to reach the bloody top of the hill - but every time I took a step I felt awful. Neck/chest tightened - could feel my blood pounding in my ears. And then I was almost in tears cos I was panicking so much. The steward was asking me if I was ok and despite everything, I felt a bit embarrassed and said yes and explained and took my inhaler and stopped trying to walk and just waited it out. FINALLY made it to the top, but it took about 10 mins out of me. And let's not tell my mother that happened, ok? She'd freak out...

Got to the water stop - and drank three cups of water and waited there for 5 minutes. By then, people were miles ahead and I was freaked out by the asthma issues and no longer wanted to run. So, cheered on by the stewards who all said I was brilliant for continuing, I walked along. And came to the woods:

Seriously Dunstable? SERIOUSLY??? I fall over on flat pavement, let alone on things like this. Sigh...but I got through.

I got to the 8K point and M texted to say she'd finished so I replied saying what had happened and that I was walking the rest of the way, and picking up the stewards as I went. Finally got to 9K and could see the end in sight. I'd decided not to run, and just walk the ending - but then as I got nearer I could hear the MC guy calling out that I was coming back and saying lovely things and then all the people started cheering for me. Most amusingly, he kept saying 'and she's going to come RIGHT OVER HERE, under the BRIDGE, where the CLOCK IS' and I realised I was totally going the wrong way, lol. So I changed direction and ran the last bit with a massive grin on my face as all the people who had been finished for about half an hour cheered for me.

And you know what? Coming last wasn't bad at all...

I've snapped

2011-10-16T00:26:00.006+01:00

I need to lose weight. NEED TO. I won't start living my life until I do. I'm too self-conscious to do things. Most things. NORMAL things. I feel old. I look old. There's no debate about whether I'm fat or not - I'm obese. No-one could look at me and think differently. I need to stop looking like this:

Because I hate it. It makes me feel sick. I want to look like this:

I was under 11 stone here, but over 10 stone. Still overweight by about a stone I reckon. But I'd give anything to go back there now. I was a size 14.

And then, after that, I want to go back here:

I was just over 10 stone here, so approaching my healthy weight of 9st 12lb. But still not there. But sooo much more confident.

And then I'd like to be here:

Approximately 9st 7lb. Age 22 years. The only birthday since I was about...5 or 6, that I was a healthy weight. I'm going to be 28 in 9 days time. I've spent the majority of my life (and probably my prime) being fat. It sucks.

Eventually I'd like to be around 9 stone. Ideally. I have no idea if it's possible. To be able to see 8st 13lb would be immense. I doubt I can do it. But I can give it my best shot.

Now - I may have chosen the least flattering photo of myself to start, and the most flattering ones at the end - but the fact is, this is how I looked at a point in time. Photos capture these things. I want to go back to where I once was. I can't do much about my face - I am getting older. It's a sad fact. I can't look 21 again. But I can be thin again. I CAN BE THIN AGAIN. I need to be thin again. I don't want to do anything at the moment. I don't feel comfortable in other people's presence. I can't EAT in the office I work in because they are all sports crazy and obsessed with their weight.

I think I've made it clear several times - my pet hate is people who aren't overweight saying that they are. I want to hit them hard when they do. The amount of people I know who should just be HAPPY and ENJOYING themselves because they are attractive and slim and good people, but who seem to think they need to lose more is just...depressing. And annoying.

I NEED to lose weight. I want self-confidence (at least some form of it anyway, I doubt it'll ever really be there - you can't know unless you have been this big, and then small, and then big again). I know that size 14 isn't actually FAT on most people - bigger than you'd prefer maybe, but a lot of people carry size 14 well. When I see people saying 'I was SO fat' and they were about a 12-14, I do question whether they genuinely have body dysmorphia or just say it cos they get a kick out of it. Fatter, maybe. SO FAT - rarely.

But enough on that rant. I need to lose weight. I need to take control. I only seem to be able to take control by obsessing. It's something that when I'm rich, maybe I'll pay a psychiatrist to fix - but until then, I need the obsessing. I need strict guidance.

I'm going to join a weight loss group again. I must. Don't let me back out. I think I need it at the moment because I don't think I can do it on my own. There are several - I just need to work out which one is the most convenient time. Then go. At the very least, I need it to get me started. I possibly need it forever.

I want to do this. I need to do this.

I hope I feel the same tomorrow.

Sprint triathlon

2011-10-14T22:31:00.002+01:00

Mentioned to one of the only females in my office that I don't eat in the office because I'm self-conscious cos they talk about needing to lose weight ALL THE TIME. Said I wanted to get fit and lose weight - she said did I want to train for a sprint triathlon. I said yes.

Now, just to make myself ACTUALLY start training.

And today I...

2011-10-14T07:07:00.001+01:00

...stayed the same.

This better not be the start of a pattern.

Wanted to binge tonight

2011-10-12T22:16:00.000+01:00

Instead I just ate dinner. No snacks or anything.

Who wants to bet it doesn't show on the scales this week anyway???

Second week of zumba at work

2011-10-11T19:42:00.002+01:00

I hate the mirrors - I don't need a reminder of how wide my arse and hips are. I'm the widest person there (of course).

It's easier than the other one I used to do, but I think he's breaking us in slowly and hopefully it'll pick up as the weeks go by.

Netball training tomorrow. Got a run this weekend - though I've not received my running number or anything :s

Not feeling like I've lost weight this week. Sigh.

Prawns for dinner

2011-10-09T20:36:00.000+01:00

Not exactly a balanced meal, but it's got my protein in it!

Lost 3lb

2011-10-07T12:56:00.002+01:00

Which is more like it. No idea why - did everything exactly the same as last week. Body is weird.

Made myself lamb stew last night - it was officially winter weather. It's yummy, AND low GI. Happy.

Tried on a dress for karaoke tonight - a few weeks ago I felt it clung to my bulges and didn't want to wear it. This morning it was loose. It has been pointed out to me that I am probably thinner in the mornings, but was still a good thing.

Still crushing on the man at work. When does a crush stop being a crush and become something else? If I spent all day with him - I don't think I'd eat at all.

Weigh in

2011-10-01T09:08:00.001+01:00

I stayed the same. Don't really know why....can only think because after netball, I had dinner late and it was pasta and bread... so maybe that affected the scales in the morning. Cos I had been eating less... :s

I want...

2011-09-28T21:51:00.000+01:00

...to look 19 again

...to be thin NOW

...to have longer hair NOW

Busy with new job

2011-09-27T10:11:00.003+01:00

It's actually mental this week. I have just realised I haven't scheduled in a lunch break. Of any sort. Oops.

Someone asked me if I'd lost weight. I haven't. I'm probably fatter than when they last saw me, a while ago. It's weird how you can look thinner or fatter randomly.

I'm still trying to kill my cold which is getting in the way of training. At least I'm still doing netball which is good.

Have a group tutorial til 5.30pm tonight. Should be interesting trying to make students do that...

Weigh-in and feeling down (though the two aren't related that much)

2011-09-23T08:03:00.002+01:00

Lost 1lb this week. At least it's going down! ;-)

Feeling blue...useless and despondent. This is more to do with life than my weight, but no doubt my weight doesn't help.

Losing weight and weighing in

2011-09-16T06:55:00.003+01:00

I haven't weighed in on here for ages - because I couldn't be bothered, I would forget on Fridays and then not bother until the next week etc. I have been on the scales since my holiday though, and I can confirm I've lost weight since last week as well. I'm just not gonna say what I went up too after the holiday and what I've come down to now. But it's a decent loss this week, and will hopefully now continue to go down...and maybe around my birthday I'll give an actual figure.

Adapting

2011-09-16T00:01:00.003+01:00

I think my stomach is vaguely getting used to not getting to snack in the day time. At least, I managed to get til 3.45 before eating lunch (somewhere other than my office) and didn't feel too bad for it. Don't normally eat that late, but got caught up in work stuff.

It would be nice to just never feel hungry...

GI Diet

2011-09-15T12:42:00.002+01:00

Hopefully my low GI diet book thing will have arrived today from amazon. I shall be doing some planning for next week...

The patheticness of it all

2011-09-14T21:34:00.004+01:00

I have a crush on an unobtainable man. It's actually quite a horrible feeling. I thought I wanted a crush for AGES. Now I have one, it sucks. And I need to get him out of my head faster than he entered it.

The bonus of having this unobtainable crush - I want to be thin because of it. Sad, right? I don't want to eat around him - as stated in below post about my staff room.

I really do hate myself sometimes. This is pathetic.

But truly - the best ones are either taken or gay.

My stomach doesn't obey me

2011-09-14T10:32:00.001+01:00

I had porridge for breakfast - a good portion, lovely and warm. And now I'm hungry. Why won't my stomach realise it's meant to stay happy until lunch????

So here's what's happened

2011-09-13T14:59:00.001+01:00

I've changed offices. I sit with mainly men who teach sports and public services - i.e. very active, fit men.

I'm too self-conscious to eat in front of them.

I now don't snack.

I haven't given up

2011-09-11T20:02:00.002+01:00

I'm just mega busy and forgetful. No excuse for it, it's just how it's been going. Not even had time to update my private blog really, and I used to write obsessively in that one.

I start my first day in the sports and public services department with all the super duper fit and healthy people. I'm also substantially further away from the canteen. This, and the shame of beingt he only overweight person in the office, will hopefully help my appalling willpower.

I went to a wedding this weekend and caught the bouquet by accident. Yep, you heard me. I positioned a friend in front of me and then pretty much switched my brain off, waiting for her to catch it. Instead she missed it, somehow batted it backwards and into my face, and then it rolled slowly into my arms. I think I looked horrified and then yelled at my friend for being bad at catching. Then realised the photographer was still taking photos, so grinned and posed for them.

So if any of the other were hoping to get married soon, I may have doomed them to a life of singleness as the chances of me getting married are pretty damn slim right now...

Continually apologising

2011-09-05T23:20:00.002+01:00

It's been a busy time...holiday, then returned and had a week of training for my new job, then had a hen-do in Cardiff - now I'm back and have a cold and I'm severely lacking in energy.

I completely forgot about scales...This Friday I'll get on them again.

Got some info on low-GI foods to try and help me. Fingers crossed...

Sorry all

2011-08-19T08:31:00.003+01:00

Week has been incredibly hectic because I'M GOING ON HOLIDAY THIS WEEKEND! Been planning and planning and planning for it, trying to book excursions and generally trying to buy all the last minute things.

Tuesday I went to the gym at lunch time, and then played netball in the evening. All my previous injuries appear to have come back for some reason, so I was limping after playing without realising it, and I've somehow pulled a muscle down the left side of my neck/back. It aches, which is horrid.

Our netball summer league games have gone ok though, and out of 8 teams we came FOURTH. Bear in mind we are the LOWEST ranked team and we were playing against teams in different divisions including the premier teams. Woooooo! We're looking forward to the winter league now.

I completely forgot to weigh myself this morning, will try to remember tomorrow. Got leaving drinks and dinner tonight as two people in my office are off on maternity leave. Then karaoke. Wooo.

Been checking the temperature in Dubrovnik. Depending on which site you look at, the heat on the day I arrive is going to be anywhere between 30 and 39 degrees. That's a pretty big difference - am sure that it'll be the lower end, not the higher end. Looking forward to it!

Will not be posting updates next week as not sure I'll have internet access. If I do, I'll try and shove something in somewhere!

"Unless you faint, puke or die - KEEP WALKING!"

2011-08-15T18:04:00.002+01:00

Above quote from Jillian Michaels on the Biggest Loser. Awesome. I so need her in my life.

Someone at work today commented that I looked slim (woooo). Full disclosure though...weekend food was BAD. Was out all Saturday and lazy all Sunday. I suppose the good news for me NOW is that 'bad' no longer means an all-day binge, but rather than my three meals were higher in calories than they should be. Before it would have been that, plus the continuous snacking.

I'm tired today. TIRED! Was up texting until 1.30am. I know, I'm a twat.

Cycling to work tomorrow, and netball too. Wooo.

Rest now...

Weigh-in and advertising

2011-08-12T08:34:00.003+01:00

Sooo, I lost 3lb - finally!

15st 11.5

Woo.

Now, onto other things. We all know my obsession with Ben Does Life. Well....click here to see his current plans for 2012. I'd be lying if I didn't say I WANT TO BE DOING THIS WITH THEM AT LEAST ONCE.

Anyone else?

Gym program sorted

2011-08-09T08:23:00.003+01:00

I went to the gym last night (cycled in fact - really didn't want to, leg muscles were burning, but I did). My program was set by a ridiculously pretty young woman with really long blond hair and near-perfect features. I was happy to see she had real muscle definition in her arms though and wasn't just thin (I never know how they choose people to work at some of the gyms, but she seemed to practice what she preached which was good).

I've got a program that is meant to last about an hour and a half now - 13 minutes on the rower (3 minutes warm-up, 10 minutes intervals), around 10 minutes on the treadmill on a gradient of 5.5 (1 min walk at 5.5kmph, 30 sec run 7.2kmph - yes, i'm that slow - it was bloody hard), then 10 mins on the cross trainer at level 5. Then I have weights on the resistance machines, 4 for my arms, 5 for my legs, 3x15 reps for each of them.

I'll have to give it a proper run through soon as I only tried out each machine last night. Gym lady told me to go back to her in 4 or 5 weeks so she can increase the program...let's hope I actually get fit enough in 4-5 weeks for that to be needed!

Completed my food diary on myfitnesspal yesterday - had meringues with yoghurt and banana for dessert. Yummy. Definitely one of my favourites.

Two netball matches tonight, luckily only playing half of each I think! I'm far less achy than I feel I ought to be, but I am getting stiff.

Lots of exercise

2011-08-07T20:47:00.002+01:00

Done about 30 mins of cycling, an hour of tactical netball stuff, and just over an our of the triline fitness circuit stuff. Things are definitely aching, but I feel good.

Having issues with my screen grab on myfitnesspal, but you should be able to view my diary here if you are a member. Maybe even if not a memeber - I don't know how it works. It's not overly interesting, although I did have TWO lucozade drinks today.

Chicken and vegetables for dinner.

Tennis at 6.15am tomorrow morning.

Gym session planned at 6.45pm to have my workout designed for me...yay exercise?

Hunger pains and other pains

2011-08-07T10:05:00.003+01:00

I woke up at about 6.30am this morning and was STARVING. Seriously. It felt like my stomach was eating itself. It was painful. I sucked it up and went back to sleep (obviously). Re-woke an hour later and got up and cycled to the gym for my induction - did it, booked in my program setting (for tomorrow night) and cycled home.

Ate scrambled eggs, beans and 2 quorn sausages. Yummy.

New pain - period pain. Grrrrrr. Hate being female.

My quads ache, and actually my arm muscles do as well (from holding onto the bike? I don't know). I have netball training and triline fitness training tonight. I might die. Gonna cycle there and back.

As promised

2011-08-07T00:40:00.003+01:00

Well, here is the plan from 6th August - having issues with the size (you can click to enlarge) as I'm on my netbook and the screen is teeny tiny. Also burned some calories after 30 minutes on the new bike...

Gym induction at 8.15am...so sleepy time now!

NEW BIKE!!!

2011-08-06T10:22:00.002+01:00

I got my new bike today - woooooo! Cycled it back from the shop - oh man, hideously unfit! The smallest hills felt like mountains. It didn't help that the seat was the wrong height - sorted it out now it's home, almost ripped my palms to shreds in the process, but YEY!

Photos will come later, including me looking like a fool in the helmet.

Off to join the gym after a breakfast of poached eggs. YUM!

Real Age

2011-08-05T14:03:00.002+01:00

I saw this on another blog, so decided to do it. Grumble grumble - apparently my real age is 28.7. ARGHHHHHHH! (I'm 27 for those of you who don't know).

I'm aware that could be a lot worse, but still! That's almost 29!!!! Better get on the diet and exercise even more!

Hot weather and weigh in

2011-08-05T07:23:00.003+01:00

I stayed the same this week - am happy with that owing to the 2 days I spent in Reading, 2 days in St Neot's and the dinner at my friend's house last night (always a bad idea the night before weigh in, but meh - I wanted to).

Despite my travels, I managed to do the Triline fitness stuff on Sunday, Netball and training on the Tuesday, and Body Combat last night - go me!

I am collecting my bike and kit TOMORROW (I hope, will phone them to make sure it's all in the store) and hopefully JOINING THE GYM as well. Then I shall use my bike for journeys around Bedford, to the gym, then use the pool/gym/classes and continue with netball and triline fitness training. Fingers crossed I start to see some improvement in my fitness and weight loss....

I do update myfitnesspal, but I don't always screen grab it here. I'll attempt to do a couple more next week to appease people ;-)

Is anyone else useless in the hot weather? It puts me RIGHT off doing exercise. I'm the sort of person who gets hot and bothered sitting still, let alone having to run or something. My head completely overheats and I sweat out an ocean (seriously, you know how some people seem to sweat all over and you can see their arms/legs gleaming when they do a hard work out? Mine are dry, but my head and face make up for it) and I have to guzzle water like there's no tomorrow. I really wish there was somewhere I could swim outdoors - I think that's a good exercise for this weather, but Bedford has no lido, nor open water places to swim.

Time for breakfast. I'm thinking some sort of cereal...

Netball may kill me

2011-08-03T11:04:00.003+01:00

We played a premiership team last night - bear in mind we're the bottom of the 5th division. I only played half and I hurt today - it didn't help that I forgot to take my inhaler for the first part I played, I remembered for the second and that felt much better. It was SO hot and muggy that I unnattractively sweated quite a lot. Sweating also burns calories, right?

We did some training afterwards which was luckily more tactics and less cardio!

I got home about 9.30pm and had some toast for dinner. Was still starving so had cereal as well. Was STILL starving, so I went to bed! :s

Triline Fitness

2011-07-31T21:07:00.003+01:00

Got trained by a gentleman from this tonight. It was a netball fitness practice - and it displayed how UTTERLY unfit I am. I did already know, but there's something about fartlek training that makes it all the more apparent. Despite our whinging (it was an eye-opener for him to train us I think) we all enjoyed it and he is willing to train us every 2/3 weeks. It would definitely help on top of the rest of things.

I was properly struggling to breathe at times - no whinging from me because I needed all the air I had to survive. I don't breathe well anyway, and I have sports-induced asthma, but I've always struggled with things like this even when I was fit. At school when I did relay racing I got dizzy and got black spots in my eyes and had to rest - when I did my honours in swimming when I was about 11, I got the same. Happened again when I first joined LA Fitness and they thought it was cos of low blood pressure at the time. It's happened in jiu jitsu and circuits too. Just feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen - I'm sorta sure that I'm not actually, as I yawn continuously and I've been told that happens to take more oxygen in sometimes.

Hmmm. Either way, I need to get fitter. Feeling like you're not taking in enough air and getting dizzy, and even momentarily starting to feel your hearing fade...it's not pleasant!

Any advice other than "get fitter and lose more weight" would be greatly appreciated!

Up 0.5lb

2011-07-29T07:20:00.002+01:00

16.5lb

No excuse really, but the stress of yesterday's interview led to some bad choices! Back on it - next week it will go down.... ;-)

I dreamt I ran 5k

2011-07-28T07:18:00.000+01:00

And it was EASY. Why don't my dreams translate into reality dammit??

Netball WIN

2011-07-27T09:02:00.002+01:00

So, slow on the updates but that's cos I've been busy busy!

Played netball again for the first time in ages - my confidence goes down SO BADLY when I don't play for a while, and I want to avoid it, but when I get out there I always LOVE IT! I didn't get as tired yesterday, I think because I was trying to follow the advice given of not constantly running around the court, but darting for a free space instead. Anyway, played my half of the match and WE WON the whole match. This was our first win in a league match, so we were pretty pleased - it's a team we lost to by about 15-20 goals before as well, so woop woop for us.

Today my thighs are stiff and sore and my stomach muscles hurt up past my ribs...but it feels GOOD.

I had my food planned out for the day, and then a colleague brought in pakoras, samosas and an AMAZING looking cake. I think I'll need to run tonight to fix this...

What have you lost?

2011-07-25T23:05:00.001+01:00

After my slightly ranty message below, I thought I'd go light-hearted - what have you lost? I have lost close to an average newborn baby. Go me. If I get to goal, I'll have lost a 2-month old horse. Wowzers.

1 pound = a Guinea Pig
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Chihuahua
6 pounds = a human’s skin
7.5 pounds = an average newborn
8 pounds = a human head
10 pounds= An average Gallon of paint
11 pounds = an average housecat
12 pounds = a Bald Eagle
15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs (or 120 eggs)
16 pounds = a sperm whale’s brain
20 pounds = a car tyre
22 pounds = 200 golf balls
24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream
25 pounds = an average 2 year old
26 pounds = average weight of a Koala Bear
30 pounds = Average Vacuum Cleaner
31 pounds = Average amount of manure produced by a horse each day
33 pounds = a cinder block
36 pounds = a mid-size microwave
40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg
44 pounds = an elephant’s heart
50 pounds = a small bale of hay
55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner
60 pounds = an elephant’s peni$ (yep, weights more than his heart!)
65 pounds = Lotus Mk3 – Aluminium Body Shell
68 pounds = 40” Sony Bravia Widescreen TV
70 pounds = an Irish Setter
77 pounds = a gold brick
80 pounds = the World’s Largest Ball of Tape
90 pounds = a newborn calf
100 pounds = a 2 month old horse
110 pounds = Mature Rough Fell Ewe
117 pounds = an average fashion model (and she’s 5’11”)
118 pounds = the complete Encyclopaedia Britannica
120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month
130 pounds = a newborn giraffe
140 pounds = Ricky Hatton (Boxer / May 2009)
144 pounds = an average adult woman (and she’s 5’4”)
150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary
187 pounds = an average adult man
200 pounds = Vespa Moped

I judge myself

2011-07-25T22:36:00.004+01:00

One of the things I dislike about humans is our seemingly innate desire to judge other people negatively.

I often hear comments that are made about other people -sometimes I catch a 'look' from someone who is judging me. I'm sure in some cases it's involuntary - but then...that's quite a horrible trait for us to have if it is.

(One of my "favourite" judgements though is when people, medical and non, assume I must be really unhealthy on the inside as well - cholesterol, blood sugar, blood pressure - and I'm not, and am often 'healthier' than them. Thank you genetics).

There's no point going into this in too much detail - I've ranted about it before and people's opinions, wherever they fall, will probably never change. I will never understand the arrogance that comes with some of the judgements -the need for feeling superior. I'm far from perfect myself, but if I catch myself doing it I do try to stop because it's not a trait that deserves any form of respect. Maybe some people judge because they are feeling low about themselves and they need to give themselves a mental boost, even if they have to put someone else down to achieve it. Maybe. Or not.

The thing people need to realise (if they are judging me for my looks or my weight or my fitness) is that I'm judging myself WAY more than they EVER could. So they may as well save their energy for doing something to better themselves instead.

Building up endurance

2011-07-25T15:57:00.002+01:00

My friend M ran a 10K yesterday in 1 hour and 1 minute. She's 2 inches shorter than me and I am super impressed with her speed - at my fittest and lightest (where I was still about a stone and a half heavier than her, I admit, but a healthy weight) I could run 10kmph on the treadmill but I never did it for more than 30 minutes - I have no idea what my speed was outside!

So I'm doing the 10k with her in October - she's gonna whip my arse. :(

I find running SO DAMN HARD. It's the hardest form of exercise in the world. I'm worrying about being able to build it up enough by October - i'm still not entirely pain-free, but as it's not getting worse when I exercise I think I'll just have to suck it up.

Glorious weekend

2011-07-25T09:01:00.002+01:00

It was one of those weekends that ended up feeling like a long weekend - even though it wasn't!

Friday night I went to the gym, did 2000m on the rowing machine, level 10, in 10 mins 20 secs (was racing the guy I work with who did it 20 seconds faster, grrr - I did more strokes per minute, but he's taller so his strokes seemed to go further than mine). Then did some cycling and jogging, and had a lazy relaxing evening in front of the TV and on my laptop.

On Saturday I went to my friend's summer party which was awesome - spent the day with my netball friends, and met up with some others for karaoke in the evening. Ended up not having dinner (oops) and having half a bottle of red wine instead (double oops). Went to sleep around 3am.

Sunday I woke at 10.30am and sat on my laptop, writing away, and then joined my friend for a BBQ on Sunday (only had 1 burger, 1 sausage and 1 chicken drumstick) and continued sitting with my laptop until around midnight.

This morning (hello lovely sunny weather) I was up by 5.45am for tennis at 6.15am with K. I lost (again) but it was fun - hoping for some doubles with D and N soon!

I've just had grapes for breakfast, and feeling relatively good at the moment...

Sorry for less updates

2011-07-22T07:28:00.002+01:00

Been rather busy with work things.

Weigh in day - I am now 16st on the dot according to my scales.

16st
224lb
101.8kg

In the 15s next week would be nice...

Journals and muscle pain

2011-07-20T08:57:00.006+01:00

I keep various blogs online, but yesterday my mother bought me two journals which I shall enjoy updating by hand. They are:

And:

Both have quotes on each page, and I do love quotes...they are quite amusing.

In other news - my strained muscle still hurts, but running didn't seem to make it any worse than it already was. Should I just carry on exercising on it? It's beginning to drive me insane (and although I keep calling it my 'strained muscle', I should point out this is a guess based on what I've seen online).

Wanna know what helps motivate me on this diet journey?

2011-07-18T17:52:00.002+01:00

People I admire replying to my emails ;-) It gives me an extra little bounce in my step and makes me come home, hungry, and make myself a coffee instead of eating something before dinner!

Onto eating out difficulties - am going to the IMAX tomorrow for a second Harry Potter viewing - mother and I will need food. I'm looking at the restaurants and thinking 'If I'm eating out I want to eat something I'll like rather than something below 500 calories' - sigh. If I can even find something like that. So many nice restaurants - so much good food - so little I can eat on 1200 cals a day! :(

I'd been thinking Ping Pong, Giraffe, Las Iguanas or Wagamamas....everything I want will definitely be over 500 cals. Sigh.

There is no doubt about it

2011-07-18T14:47:00.001+01:00

I'm gonna be hungry after dinner...

Achy muscles

2011-07-18T08:22:00.002+01:00

So the muscle strain hurt last night - I tried making sure I cooled down properly, stretched lots etc etc, but it still hurt in the evening and I limped. This morning - I feel better. Sigh. I have no idea what to do with it.

The muscles on the sides of my waist ache today - but it's the nice sort of ache that says I used muscles that I haven't used in FOREVER. Even though it's happened pretty much every time I start running again, I'm always surprised that stomach muscles get used.

I never sorted the clothes as per yesterday's post - so I need to do that when I get in tonight. Then the plan is to run (eek) tomorrow if I can before work. I need to make it a regular thing if I am hoping to be able to do 10k by October.

I'm still waiting on my bike from the bike to work scheme. There will be photos galore when I get the voucher and collect it - oh yes.

2.19 miles

2011-07-17T10:56:00.002+01:00

All week I've wanted to run and today I actually could - and it sucked. To start off with, I woke up completely NOT in the mood. Seriously, I just wanted to make breakfast and slope onto the sofa and then sort out my clothes (I will be doing this part later today instead). But I made myself - so yay me.

I was going to do 3 mins jog, 1 min walk, but decided as I'd not done exercise for a week, I'm fat, and this is me testing out my muscle strain, I'd do 2 mins jog and 1 min walk. The first lap was fine. Half way through the second lap I couldn't keep it up and walked for about 2-3 minutes. Third lap was 1 min jog, 1 min walk. Including my warm up walk, I was out for about 35 minutes and only did 2.19 miles. I reckon I did...15 mins of walking in total. So 20 min jogs? Something like that anyway.

Stretched when I got back - muscle strain twinged a bit on the jog but didn't hurt. Hope it stays that way.

I need to wake up earlier next time and eat something before hand.

Just had a lovely big mug of coffee - now time for brunch.

Haircut

2011-07-16T21:23:00.003+01:00

I didn't get on my run today - the whole day sorta vanished without me realising it. It was pouring soooo much this morning so I decided to run in the afternoon. I met a friend for a drink at 11.30am and ended up staying until 3pm, bought a few bits from Blacks and then went to get my hair cut:

Do you like?

Anyway, my food today looks like this:

Total = 1113 calories.

Will run tomorrow come rain or shine - and my lovely new haircut will suffer for it!

Harry Potter style 3D glasses

2011-07-15T02:54:00.000+01:00

Cos that's just how I roll...

Off topic - Harry Potter

2011-07-14T21:56:00.007+01:00

I'm very excited about the final Harry Potter film coming out. I'm watching the first part now in preparation...and, uh...getting into the spirit so to speak.

This folks, is a Time-turner, and it has inscribed on it "I mark the hours every one nor have I yet outrun the sun. My use and value unto you are gauged by what you have to do."

And this is the horcrux locket...It's pretty and it opens (not put anything in it).

I'm wearing them together - with the hat. Sexy? I think so.

You ALL know you wish you were as cool as me. It's ok.

Ideal plan

2011-07-14T11:01:00.003+01:00

I decided to make a little calendar of the exercise I'd like to be doing for the rest of this month.

Unsure I'll be able to do it all - but it would be GOOD.

Being overweight is hard

2011-07-14T09:54:00.002+01:00

I'm still reading one-twenty-five on tumblr, hopefully will finish it today (but then what will I do? I need my blogs - someone find me other awesome blogs like one-twenty-five, bendoeslife, lifedoesjed and padoeslife)!

Anyway, just got on to this post and it's all pretty true. Read it.

Spent the last couple of days with my friends M and J. They are married and rather perfect specimens of the human form. I reckon if I lived with them permanently I'd lose more weight as I'd just be aspiring to be as fit and slim and toned as them.

M gave me some stretches to do for the silly groin/leg strain and I wanna get into the running this weekend. If it hurts, I'm gonna start beating up stuff in frustration. Seriously.

Might try swimming again this weekend too. Swim, jog....surely that will result in weight loss next week?

Back on track

2011-07-14T08:48:00.002+01:00

I'm back from the south, back at work, and back on the diet. This week has pretty much been a write-off though, owing to the other things going on. Hopefully will be able to run this weekend though. Fingers crossed. I've been crazily desperate to go running - I want to improve so much.