I NEED TO GET BACK ON THE DIET

Seriously guys - ASHAMED. I just lost motivation for the last 2 weeks - first from the back injury, then from the stupid cold I caught (still coughing) and now with the stupidly hot weather. I really hate being out in hot weather - I look horrible in sleeveless tops and short shorts, so I have to wear other things and swelter :(

I’ve been feeling down - without the exercise to give me a buzz, I’ve eaten comfort foods (i.e. bread and butter, my faves).

I hate feeling low - it’s like there’s no other option.

It’s my Mum’s bday today - made french toast with cinnamon sugary apples on top, and some maple syrup. BAD but so good. We’re going out for lunch. Arghh!

Eurovision tonight. Making meatballs for the family.

Cough or no cough - I need to run tomorrow morning.

Drawing a line

I have been beyond hungry for the last few days, and I have eaten to stop myself being hungry. I mean REALLY eaten. And I’m sore and achy and my back hasn’t fully healed, so I couldn’t run today, or do the exercise I normally do. As a result, I’m not going WW this week as I’m worried there will be a gain. I refuse to get on my scales, so I’m just drawing a line and getting back on track. But I think I could do with another week to get back on track. I’ll brave my own scales Tuesday morning.

I can't eat as much as I used to

I'm aware this is a good thing, but I still buy food like I can.

My dinner of chinese take-away was... a quarter (if that) tub of veg chow mein, 4 chicken balls with sweet and sour sauce, 4 bits of prawn toast, and a couple of pieces of squid. Stuffed. To the point that I haven't had any of the cakes I baked for work, nor the chocolate bar I bought myself for dessert. I did drink a bottle of Dr Pepper, but not the bottle of Cherry Coke I also bought (small ones).

The thing is - I tend to not eat/drink these things on any other day cos it interferes with my food tracking most of the time (I make healthy food, but I make it to use up my points). So now they will sit there for another week. As will my snickers bar from last week that I was too full to eat and forgot I had...

I really want the cherry coke, but I need to go to sleep...darn it.

So, I confessed earlier this week on tumblr that I hadn't been that good this week...

I did not eat strictly. I did not really point my food, or plan ahead. I ate some chocolate, and I ate bread with proper butter. I didn't binge - but I didn't 'try' to be strict. I couldn't tell you how many points I ate each day, but I was reasonably sensible - during the work day I was on fairly low points, it was the evening I relaxed a bit. It was nice to not be SO STRICT like I had been for the past 6 weeks.

I still went to the gym, and I went for a run (though not a 5K).

And today was my weigh-in. I decided I would draw a line and get back on track properly from tomorrow. So I went to face the music.

AND I LOST 2LB! This makes 24.5lb, which means I also went through my 10%! I have lost 10% of my body weight, woooo! Can't say I'll miss it...



(10% written upside down, and they person who weighed me drew a smiley face on there for me too...) ;-)

I rushed out of there as I was running late (loads of baking to do tonight) but I have been told I should get a 10% key ring, so will make sure I collect that next week!

So really, while I'm obviously happy this week, I just have one question for my body....WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH YOU?!?!



How am I meant to know what to do each week to get CONTINUOUS weight loss?!

Ah well - chinese for dinner, already done two lots of sweet treats for colleague's bday tomorrow, only one more batch to go - which will happen AFTER I've eaten! :-)

Happy fitness and weightloss everyone!

Volunteering at the parkrun

Me looking ‘cool’ volunteering at the parkrun - 2nd one in on the left in the front row, in front of the guys, rocking my shades…wow, I’m short.

Ah-HA!!

I was distrustful of Gmap - so I redid the route. I enlarged the map loads and painstakingly drew it out making sure I was on the pavements, and NOT on the road - I made sure it was set to manual and not set to ‘automatic’, which would do it on the road and probably make it longer than it was. And what did I find?!?!?



I knew there was something wrong with the distance it suggested I was doing in the time it suggested I was doing! THIS makes much more sense. So my two laps today was a mere 1.43300 miles in 18 minutes. FAR MORE ACCURATE I THINK (and slow). It also means I did 2.86600 miles in 41 minutes the other day (pretty hideously bad, but MORE ACCURATE I TELL YOU)!

So there we go. Far less impressive - way more improvement needed. Next time I do it, I must do 5 laps for 3.5825 miles covered.

Some truths

I've eaten too much today. About 6pp worth of toast, and god knows how many pp worth of butter on them. Breakfast was an orange, and dinner will also be an orange, as I'm stuffed and craving fruit. I ate a 4-finger kit kat and a curly wurly (10pp). Lunch was chicken (4pp) with cauliflower and broccoli cheese (homemade - approximately 10pp at a guess). If it wasn't for the butter, today wouldn't actually have been 'that' bad, as I'm meant to have 31pp a day.

I went for a run today, not because I wanted to particularly, but because I knew I had to do something. I did 2 laps of the green (supposedly around 1.9 miles) in 18 minutes. I'm definitely sure gmap is wrong, because I just don't run that fast - I know I keep saying that, but I really don't. It does seem to be an improvement on the first time I tried it about 6 weeks ago though, as per the link.

It was horrible today though - I managed to run comfortably for over one lap, probably did a lap and a quarter - but I felt full from the rubbish I ate today, and dehydrated (realised I had only drink a mug of coffee this morning and half a pint of water all day). It was too hot for me - and it wasn't even THAT hot. I walk/run/walked the rest of the second lap, hating myself. Hating myself for still struggling to run uphill to finish the lap (when is that going to get easier to do? It's not like it's a massive hill or anything), hating myself for eating too much today, hating myself for not being faster. Sigh. Usually running clears my mind, all I focus on is breathing and getting through it, but today I couldn't focus at all. I started thinking about how other runners can run and talk at the same time - something I will never be able to do, I can only do that at one speed at that's WALKING.

I'm still full. Drinking water now. Have to rest tomorrow again. Weigh-in is Tuesday and won't be successful, but at least for once I'll know why.

Never gonna glow...

I took this picture on Friday after the gym. I will never be one of those girls that ‘glow’.

Ick.

Need to go running this afternoon (warning - whinge ahead)

I’m not in the mood to, but I know I absolutely have to. I suspect my emotions will go somewhere towards this again.

People will see me and judge me. People will think I’m stupid for trying. People will probably WALK PAST ME.

I volunteered at the Park Run yesterday and was explaining to the tail runner (a different one this week) what she would be doing. I pointed out that as I wasn’t running it, she might not have to go too slow. Ha. Ha. And that’s the thing. I always feel like I have to justify myself. I have to justify why I’m so shit. I can’t really continue saying ‘I’m new to running’ for much longer can I? I started at the beginning of April - it’ll be 2 months soon. I should be able to run 5K without stopping soon. Shouldn’t I?

The thing is, the people there were saying ‘40 minutes isn’t slow for the park run, we’ve had people take an hour or longer before’ - really? REALLY? WHERE ARE THEY THEN? Sigh.

Running is a loners activity, and I guess I should just get used to being alone at the back.

I really do hate feeling like this btw - I don’t want to be miserable. I don’t want to feel stupid. I want to be happy, content with myself, proud of myself even - but I feel like I’m never good enough. At anything… and I wish I didn’t put myself through this stuff, like other people don’t. But I can’t. And I don’t know why. It’s the stupid part of my brain I guess.

DO I RUN OR DO I VOLUNTEER?

http://www.zombieevacuation.com/

If I run, I am almost guaranteed to lose all of my flags, so no medal - but it would still be funny.

But if I volunteer I GET TO BE A SCARY ZOMBIE!

Help?